These Boot are Made for Walking

So for the past two weeks I have not posted any blogs on what is happening. I do apologize for my lack of writing. Things have been crazy around here with end of school for the kids, getting ready for vacations (yippee), and trying to keep on track with my diet and exercise. I have so far stuck with it. Its strange that when I don't do my exercise I feel tired and crappy. I feel like I didn't do anything all day even though I probably accomplished a ton of chores and tasks. So I think its safe to say that I have a routine now!!!

I was caught off guard the other day when a acquaintance of mine said "Wow, you are so lucky. Your life must be great." I looked at my friend and laughed.... I couldn't help it. It was an uncontrollable laugh. I had to apologize to my friend because I'm sure they were insulted by my reaction, but after I calmed down I explained why I was laughing at their statement.

My life is not perfect, healthy or happy all the time (or even most of the time). On most days I'm driven crazy by a over achieving husband, over logical children, dramas from family/friends, fighting to go to school and fighting myself in the process. Some days my marriage is barely holding on by a thread. My children are having nervous breakdowns. I have to organize each emotion, each situation and start over each time trying to fix everything. Plus carry on with my own crazy life, and hold down a home. So I have my chores, food shopping, and cleaning to do. From my point of view there's no grass on this side of the fence. It's weed choked in some areas and dead in others. Every now and then you have a nice tiny patch of green grass but its barely surviving. After explaining this to my friend I think I burst their bubble that there is a perfect life out there.

But think of it. We go through life wishing we had someone else life. Wouldn't it be great to be a movie star? All the glamor, fame and money? But then you see that they have no private life, they have to starve themselves constantly or bulk up for a part, and even though it would be nice to have their income it's not worth it to be chased by paparazzi and crazy fans all the time. You see a couple holding hands and you say to yourself I wish I was them. But what if they fight all the time, or she has eating issues, or he's emotionally disturbed. Would you want to still be them?

I have caught myself on many occasions thinking that's what I want. I come to realize I don't want another person's life. I have my own. It's mine to do with as I please. I don't want to walk in someone else stinky shoes. The grass is not always greener on the other side of the fence. I'll tend to my weed choked garden and patch up the holes in my shoes. Even though it's not perfect it's still mine and that's good enough for me. 

You don't need another persons shoes to walk in

My garden of life

                                    

Honest Courtesan

Trying to figure men out can give most women an ulcer. I'm sure men feel the same way. But what make both men and women tick... Sometimes I feel I need to become a Venice Courtesan. In the 16th century if you didn't marry into the right home and you were a woman you had 3 choices... Become a maid, go into a nunnery, or become a courtesan. Women were just mere objects. Something for their husbands to prance around. Women were not considered very important. They were not allowed to be educated and had very little rights. My have we come a long way!

Women now are educated. We can choose who we wish to be with. We can make our own money. We have options with everything. If you don't like your situation you are able to change it. And that's the point I am right now. So I currently have changed some of my situation. My relationship with my husband has seen better days but just working on it doesn't seem to be enough. My appearance has improved. I have so far lost over 50lb. My self esteem has increased and I feel stronger physically. Its now time to get my mental thinking into shape. That's where the honest courtesan comes into play so to speak.

A Courtesan was for the most part a high class "call girl". They were highly educated women who could talk to anyone on any level of experience. It is said that a King would go to his Courtesan for guidance on matters of state before he ever went to his counsel or Queen. That's what I would like to become. I would even like to be the "call girl". Although I would have only one customer. I want that high level of education. But not in just one area. I want politics, diplomacy, science, skepticism, religion, business, language, art, culture and yes even in sex, intimacy, and love. I don't want just a job... I want a career. I don't want just a husband... I want passion. I don't want just an education... I want it all! There are so many things that I have discovered that I want to do... that just one lifetime could never fulfill it.

So here I go... I start with my education. I head off to the college to enroll in a class of my choice. Then off to the library to grab a book on any topic I wish. The world is mine for the taking... And guess what? I'm going to take it!