Ode to Joy

Do you want to be happy? We hear that from so many self help books, seminars, gurus and mom. Do you want to be happy? Such a simple question, but with so many implications. Are there people out there that don't want to be happy? Do you wake up one morning and say "I'm going to make my family, friends and co workers miserable." I'm sure there are. Anything is possible but for the majority of us we strive to become happy. But what makes us happy? What is happiness anyhow? Is it something you can buy? Possible. Is is it something that is shared? If you're lucky. Why do so many people want it and why are so many people not?

I'm doing my best to find my happiness. For such a long time I was not happy. I wasn't miserable either. It's not that I had a horrible home life. I have a family, a roof over our heads, food is on the table but something was lacking. I was missing something...me. Lately my happiness has been in spurts. One weekend I did everything in my power to make everyone around me happy and I failed on so many levels. Then the next weekend I let everything go its own course and everyone was happy.

How do I find my happiness? Well I'm still floundering on that one.I know what my goals are. I'm trying new things like camping, kayaking, hiking. I'm even doing dance lessons and exercise in the park and I am getting out more. Meeting people, going to events,  just in general having fun. But will that make me happy? Will it make my family happy? Maybe my husband will be happy for me knowing that my goals are met but I don't think it will make his happiness any more so. My children are proud of me for just trying to make myself better but that doesn't make them any happier.

"No one can make you happy, only you can make yourself happy." That's something that my husband used to tell me. I hate to admit it but he is right. In this point and time of my life I'm not horribly miserable but I'm not ecstatic either. As I am changing I notice that the people around me are"better" if I can use the word. They are not ecstatic but they are not crying. I see for myself that I can change my situation for the better! I can get what I want if I work hard and long for it! I can be happy!