Conscious Inception

"When one door shuts, Another one opens." I'm sure we have all heard that old adage. The problem with that is all the doors have slammed shut in my face. After awhile you get sick and tired of being sick and tired! That is where this blog comes in. Let's face it.... I need help. I am a mother of two wonderful kids, a wife to a decent husband and my life was going now where. I was over weight, had little self esteem and was craving something...something that I didn't even know existed...Life!

This is, as I would like to put it, my third life. My first life started when I left home at the age of 18. I married early (Momentary Laps of Reason) and, thank goodness, divorced early. My second life started at 22. I met my now husband of 12 years, had two kids (boy and a girl), is a full time mom and I thought my life was complete. During our marriage I found out that I was missing out on life. I always thought of my family and friends, but I never thought of myself. I was living vicariously through other peoples stories of their adventure on life. I had to step back and reevaluate my own life. I wasn't pleasing anyone. My husband was miserable, my kids were miserable, I had little friends and nothing that I could say "That was me".

Have you ever looked into the mirror? Not just to see your reflection, but to truly see what you are? I would have to say that was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I didn't like what I saw. My husband always told me, "You are the only person that can make yourself happy." He's right.(And I don't say that often) I looked into the mirror and didn't like what was looking back. Where did the years go? I saw a woman aged before her time. What happened to that young girl I once knew? Life beat her up and broke her spirit. I truly felt alone. I was losing my husband, my children were unhappy and I had know one else to blame but myself. I never cried so hard. I remember that heart ache. I never want to feel that way again.

Anger is a good feeling to have. I was angry at what I did to myself. I was angry at what I did to my innocent children. I was really angry at my husband but I cannot blame him. So this is my Third life! And let me tell you it won't be my last! Time for some change. I am going to kick the door down instead of wait for it to open! I'm done being sick and tired! This is my Conscious Inception. Now for the really hard part...Where do I start?