Small Word with Big Effect

Here's a riddle... What is hard to do, tough to keep and easy to lose? Do you know the answer? Trust. Dictionary.com defines Trust as to rely upon or place confidence in someone or something. This plain, simple little word can damage friendships, wreck marriages and put nations at war. If I had to choose between Love and Trust on which one is more important... I would choose trust.I'm sure people out there would disagree and say love. But love is a fickle thing. I have love. My family love me. (at least most of them do) My friends love me.(I am very lucky to have them)  But with trust, that is something we have to work for, to earn. We strive through life trying to be accepted by our fellow man/woman. Corporations have to give some trust to their employees that they will come to work, make money and continue to build up the company for the future. A husband/wife/partner/girlfriend/boyfriend has to trust that their significant other will not abuse or misuse that trust given to them. But what happens when trust has been compromised? Do you continue to trust that person/thing or should you shun them and continue on with someone/something else?

For the past few months I've been at war with myself on this topic. The trust in my home has been compromised. None of the inhabitants of my home trust one another. Little sister doesn't trust big brother to keep his word to play. Big brother doesn't trust little sister with his belongings. Husband doesn't trust wife, and wife doesn't trust husband. I have always prided myself on solving problems. But this is one problem that I have yet to solve. The worst part is it's taking its toll. For my part I've been eating very little, (which looks good for my figure)  having crap for sleep, and my body is slowly not functioning properly. (Which is bad for my goals not to mention my body as a whole). This is not a door to be kicked down. This is being tied up and thrown into the river and then told to swim. Not only has this affected myself but it's affecting my marriage too. If you can picture two boxers that is what it's like inside of me. I am at war with myself. On one hand I have my very forgiving, loving, maternal self that tells me "Forgive and forget". On the other hand I have my tough, bad ass, angry self yelling "Why should I have to."

Have you ever watched A Long Kiss Goodnight with Geena Davis. Its when she was in an accident, lost her memory just to discover that the sweet woman everyone knows is an assassin and cold blooded killer. As I gain more confidence in myself I notice that the sweet, chubby person is slowly being replaced with a stronger bad ass. I noticed that I don't take as much crap from anyone. I shouldn't have too. The people in my life (friends, family etc...) that matter know, that because of the trust that they have earned, I will be there for them no matter what. I love them with all my heart and inner presence. They know to depend on me. But how can I put everything that I hold dear to me and show my children to be strong when all that they are seeing is someone weak?